There’s more to being positive than simply looking on the bright side and chanting affirmations every day, although optimism and upbeat self-talk are important elements of positive living. 

Positive people feel like they are in control of their lives and, because of that, they feel good about themselves, and that attitude permeates everything they think and do. It’s important to understand this feeling of control, because the reality is that we cannot control everything that happens. In fact, the only thing we have absolute control over is our own minds. We can either accept and use that control, or we can relinquish it to others and give them power over us. 

Even when a situation appears disastrous or hopeless, there will be a positive side and the possibility of a positive attitude. Positive people are realists; they know they can’t always control what happens, but what they can control is how they respond, and that affects the impact of the situation.

For example, we can’t control natural events such as hurricanes, tornadoes, and earthquakes, but we can minimize their potential impact through planning and preparation. We also can’t control what other people do—but we don’t have to allow others to control us. When we feel controlled by others or by circumstances, we are uncomfortable and out of harmony. When we are in control of ourselves and our lives, we feel comfortable, confident, and in harmony. That sense of control begins with taking control of our conscious thoughts. 

Taking control of our thoughts leads us to an understanding of the law of cause and effect. Every thought is a cause that has an effect on some level. There is a specific cause for everything that happens in our lives, and we have the ability to control the cause and therefore change the effect by changing our thinking. For example, if we are not making enough money (the effect), we can take steps to increase our income (the cause). If we are overweight (the effect), we can change our diet and activity level (the cause). If we are in an unhealthy relationship (the effect), we can seek counseling to address the problems, or end the relationship (the cause). If you don’t like the effect, change the cause. 

Positive people understand that what we believe becomes our reality. Beliefs are not necessarily truths. If our beliefs are self-limiting, they will become true for us whether or not they are based on reality. You’ve heard this before: If you believe you can, you probably can; if you believe you can’t, you most certainly can’t. The phrase made famous in Napoleon Hill’s classic Think and Grow Rich, “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve,” is more than a cute rhyme, it’s a proven fact. 

What we expect becomes our self-fulfilling prophecy. How you talk to yourself will control what happens in your life, so make a habit of expecting the best and reinforcing your expectations with appropriate thoughts and self-talk. Remember, our expectations come from our beliefs of who we are and what we believe our lives will be like. Our attitudes come from our expectations. If we expect to win, our attitude will be positive. 

Finally, positive people know that we attract people and circumstances that are in harmony with our dominant thoughts. Negative people attract negative people and circumstances. Positive people attract positive people and circumstances. 

Excerpted from The Mindset of High Achieversby JK Harris and Jacquelyn Lynn